So I guess it's about time I make a blog post about this cause I have a lot to say and I need a safe space to say it. The main change in my life that happened recently was when I found out I was pregnant in July. Actually, I kind of had the feeling it would be positive but just wanted to calm my nerves and plus I wanted to know if I could drink that night since we had a friend's wedding to go to. (It was a lovely wedding and I was jealous because I totally wanted a July wedding too, except COVID ruined everything....) Fred and I were of course so happy about it but me being my anxious and paranoid self, I didn't announce it online (close friends and family knew way before that, of course) until yesterday.
At this point I was okay with not even announcing it to Fred's friend group though because at some point it became sort of a competition or bet to see who among the married couples would be next to have a baby and our name kept getting pulled even though we were pushing it back because of house stuff and the Japan trip. I didn't want people to think we were having infertility issues but then after talking to a close friend who was going through infertility issues, my whole perspective changed and I realized that it isn't a competition... although it turned into something where when we finally did announce it, nobody thought we'd be next and no one even cared anymore - it was more like, oh? ANOTHER baby announcement?? I had my perfect wedding moment taken from me because of COVID and now I had my announcement moment taken away too because I was just another number... that's what it felt like. And to make matters worse, turns out Fred and I were being gossiped about all along... Like that's cool, I gossip too but I'd make sure the subject doesn't find out later. So embarrassing.
Although overall, I'm glad I made the announcement because of the folks who reached out to me privately. Those who let me know they too were expecting but hadn't made the announcement. It made me so happy that they reached out to me and I could connect with them and it wasn't in a dumb competitive way. I appreciated that more than they know.
I never liked social media to begin with. But there of course is always a silver lining and I always have to remind myself of that. So far about the pregnancy itself it's been rather uneventful and I hope to keep it that way. Some people seem to just make it a Big Deal ... and I get it, it is... but at the end of the day it's just a normal occurrence. Heck I was even fully prepared to do IVF if it came to that. I have such supportive coworkers and I'm so thankful for that too. I'm so thankful it happened naturally mainly because of financial reasons but this next step in our lives is going to have us re-evaluating our finances regardless. I already know I want a second kid but who knows how I'll feel after I give birth. Giving birth. I can't even picture that right now, for me it just feels so unreal. For now I'll just live my life and enjoy being pregnant because it doesn't last forever. There's so many changes going on, the human body is really amazing!! And also reading Reddit too much is bad for anxiety! And pregnancy cravings are NOT real, I swear! It's just an excuse for entitled people to not feel as guilty about indulging in something they know they shouldn't have... but honestly, we're all adults, so even if you're not pregnant, what's stopping you? Maybe I'll have a change of heart on this topic later but I'll have to report back once and if that happens!
Until next time...
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