Finally have some time to write all this out before I forget! Taking care of a new born breastfeeding is so hard and difficult to navigate... everyone says it gets better but I really don't see it right now. But I just know that every time I look at my daughter I know it will all be worth it.. (also I'm doing this entire post on my phone for the first time so let's see how this goes!!)
On Sunday morning of March 17, I was called into the hospital to apply a prostin gel to soften the cervix. At my last OB appointment I was already 1cm dilated and she had been sitting low for weeks (and hiccuping every day!). Luckily I only got by with two doses of gel (was called back for a second application in the evening and the OB at the hospital did a stretch & sweep). I didn't have to insert the balloon or anything else. I'm super thankful we got to eat a meal I wanted and ice cream too before the cramping started getting too uncomfortable. I couldn't sleep well that night and by morning I was bleeding from the stretch & sweep. I was super worried since the cramping was stronger now (like heavy period cramps) and coming regularly so I called triage. They were busy on Monday and told me that bleeding was normal and if I came I'd probably be sent home, so I just stayed home and went for a walk as much as I could with Fred. By the afternoon I guess I could call them contractions (never really knew what contractions were supposed to feel like but I sure know now!) were much more intense, I couldn't really walk through them. I could still talk through them though but I didn't have an appetite so I didn't eat much. My MIL and mom kept telling me to eat otherwise I wouldn't have the strength to push later but eating was the least of my concerns at that moment...
At one point I was annoyed and was pretty sure the hospital forgot about me but they finally called me back at 2pm for an assessment. From then on the contractions were still coming regularly and getting more painful, but still manageable I guess. I ended up having to wait until 5pm to see a nurse and OB since they were so busy that day. I was 2cm dilated then and they were going to break my waters to move things along. Once the IV was placed (I didn't enjoy this part as I never had an IV placed before, and the first try was botched so they had to do my dominant arm) I was started on a low dose of oxycotin.
After this, things started progressing pretty quickly. I thought at best she would be here in the early morning of the next day but the contractions just started getting more and more intense. I wanted an epidural and waiting for it to work was just the worst as the contractions started getting really unbearable and at this point was so painful, like my abdomen was being sliced open and it was hard to talk through.
Well my thighs started to feel a bit numb but I still felt every contraction and suddenly I had this weird echo-like feeling in my ears when I talked, like if I was in a plane or wind tunnel or something. That prompted the nurse to keep checking my blood pressure. After a while of the epidural still not really working, the anesthesiologist decided to redo the epidural and sitting through that while having contractions was worst than the birth itself!!
At this point my contractions started to feel shorter now and they broke my waters, which had meconium in it so the respiratory team and NICU nurse had to be called in too to help. I started to feel this urge to push so the nurse guided me through some practice pushes. By this time things just happened really quick, I think I was already 10cm now and she quickly called the OB and delivery team in.
After about 20mins of pushing (I think I do recall the burning sensation of the head crowning and also felt the tearing but it wasn't as bad as I thought) I felt her head come out and then her body came out with an immense feeling of pressure being released. All of a sudden this screaming baby was placed on me!!! Luckily I didn't feel the contractions during the final pushing stage and the team was really efficient in guiding me to push.
Then they took her off me to do measurements while I had to deliver the placenta. My placenta came out in pieces and the OB had to really dig in there to get everything out. They offered nitrous gas to cope with the pain but honestly it did nothing...the OB pushing on my stomach to get all of the placenta out was worse than the birth itself. She says she thinks she got all the pieces but let's see if I'll bleed out in a couple weeks time...:\
And then she stitched me up because I had some 2nd degree tearing... (Which still hasn't healed so let's see if I bust my stitches as well, sigh) It looks terrible down there rn due to the scaring, and I'm trying not to think about it...but it's hard.
After that we waited in the birthing room for a private room (I actually liked the birthing room better) and tried to sleep cause we were both exhausted. I ran out of snacks/didn't think to bring enough so my first meal after birth was some shitty McDonald's breakfast food. I then got wheeled-chaired to the wing where the private rooms were (my first and hopefully last time in a wheel chair). Then shortly after we were rudely awakened by nurse checkups from this senior nurse and a trainee. The older nurse had terrible bedside manner and was really blunt with us and every time they did checks on the baby it just made me so miserable. The rest of the nurses were great except for her. I guess I just really hated watching them make my baby cry...
The hospital food was terrible too but luckily we lived closed enough to the hospital so Fred went home to bring me food on the second night. I thought I'd be discharged after 24h, but since I gave birth so late and they needed the lab results, I wasn't allowed to go home until the next morning. At that point I had to interact with that condescending nurse a couple more times until I broke down and had to talk to a social worker about her. We also spoke to a lactation consultant and I got information to call their breastfeeding clinic for help with breastfeeding.
When we left the hospital it was so windy! It was snowing during my hospital stay too. I knew winter wasn't done yet... and maybe it was the hormones but I ended up crying quite a bit cause the baby was crying and I felt so weak, tired, sore and helpless... in hindsight I should've played some music to lighten my mood but it just didn't happen. Anyway I was super glad to be able to go home. The hospital felt like a prison.
I thought after giving birth for sure I'd be able to stay at home and rest during my confinement but no! I had to return to the hospital for a checkup on myself and baby with a midwife at the family clinic after 2 days and visit my family doctor within 3 days too which was super stressful, especially when you're trying to recover...
It hasn't been fun at all but seeing all the different expressions on Evelyn and just the fact that she's here is something special. It's like I can't even remember the feeling of being pregnant anymore. That time no longer exists... It's so strange. Well, that's all for this super long post! I can't wait until it gets warmer so I can take Evelyn out but at the same time, going out really gives me stress too. I hope things get better from here cause this parenting business is no joke, I don't know know what I'm doing and we're all currently in fight or flight mode. Those stupid blonde beige moms on YouTube make everything look so easy! I keep saying I want another kid but we haven't even made it out of the trenches with this one yet lol. But despite everything I was able to give birth and now I can say I've experienced it.
Anyways, until next time!
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