Goodbye 2020...

 I almost forgot to make a final blog post/resolutions post for 2020...and oh boy, how could I not? What a year. You know, looking back, heading into 2020, I thought it was gonna be great. It's a nice even number, starting off the 20's and all, everything was going well. But little did we all know, what was in store for us. at least, here in Canada, which I guess in the grand scheme of things, is more or less following in the USA's footsteps, a year after the COVID-19 outbreak started and we're still under lockdown with things worse than they were in the spring. It's depressing, really, how no matter what, I doubt I'd be able to get my life back pre-pandemic, like how some Asian countries and for a while, how Australia was too. I thought Canada wouldn't be that much different from Australia but I guess not! Freedom and individualistic tendencies really get to people's heads here. I couldn't believe that there were still anti-mask protests going on here when there were people risking their lives and dying every day. How selfish can you get? But hey, we are a "Free" country after all. And we've just only implemented COVID testing requirements for international travelers coming into the country... too little, too late, don't you think? But of course, you can't take away people's freedom! 

And quarantine for travelers is of course voluntary. I highly doubt anyone would really check up on you to make sure you're following the quarantine seriously. We don't have the resources or the right to stick people into mandatory quarantine institutions, oh that would be downright inhumane, right? Can you imagine the protests? That's why you got travelers who are actually smart enough to quarantine properly by staying at a Air BNB... like the one right next door, I'm not kidding...

Do I sound bitter? Yeah I guess you could say that. Jealous even, of the countries who were able to have "normal" somewhat restored. Let's just say I'm disappointed. I used to think Canada was a pretty good place to live in, but now I'm not so sure. But at least for now, by some bizarre stroke of luck or God, my family and close friends have somehow not had an encounter with COVID, and I can only hope and pray it stays that way. If not, mark my words, I'm going to post about it until the end, if there is an end. 

Back in September, during my 4 day vacation, I might not have mentioned it, but Fred and I had a small scare when his coworker's son tested positive. So we went to get tested as a precaution and we were both negative. Since then we've each had some encounters at work, but I pray that was the first and only time we will need to get tested.

But anyway, I always say I'd  post more now but I guess this year was an excuse because since I couldn't go anywhere, what was there to even blog about? I did blog about purchases I was lucky enough to even get, but other than that, nothing really happened? I still have to go in to work. I'm still crafting. Instead of going to cons, I pushed all my stuff to my Etsy shop and somehow hit 900 sales this year. Which sounds like a lot, but seeing as my shop's been open since 2009, it really isn't at all. Some people opened their shop this year and already have 4,000+ sales. Ack, here I am comparing myself to others again!

I'm super, super thankful for all the people who have supported my small business, as crafting and art has always been a passion and my main hobby. But the more I have, the greedier I become. I want more views, more likes, more comments... and I hate it. I hate how I want more. I just want to make stuff and that's how it should be. Social media just stresses me out and makes me so unhappy sometimes. Why is someone who is making lesser skilled things have over 1,000 followers? I've been crafting with clay for 15 years, I'm fucking old and it means I should just "retire"? I'm not good enough, people are tired of me? Why are the same fucking people on my explore page all the time? What makes them so much more popular than me? What am I doing wrong? Do people just hate me? And then the realization that maybe I'm just not meant to be someone with over a thousand followers? Why stop at a thousand though, wouldn't I want 10,000 after that? I'll probably be stuck with 500 followers forever. I guess I'm fine with that, considering I don't post all that often on instagram and I didn't even have a proper handle and I already know people don't like my ootds since I'm kinda awkward and it shows. But when I see people complaining about "lack of growth and engagement" when they have 30k+ followers? Give me a fucking break. Social media is a joke and it hasn't helped my life for the better in the slightest regard, so I'm done with counting the numbers for now. 

Back to the main point of this post, let's look at my list from 2019:

2020 To Do List:

1. Attend & sell at more events - I've got four on my radar for 2020 -let's see if I can make it happen!! Nope, didn't happen. Except for Anime Shogatsu back in January (which actually happened this year lol, I had to look back at my posts and I can't believe it because it feels like forever ago...)

2. Find my dream lolita dresses and complete my wardrobe - There's no way in hell this is happening but I can dream, right?? I'm hoping that since I'll be turning 30 next year I can stop buying random ones and just focus on the main pieces I love and want in my closet!! Kinda, only the package is stuck in Japan right now so until it gets here... it's a maybe. I did manage to find one of my main dream dresses though!

3.Get engaged maybe? LOL though I have no control over this... I fucking got engaged! (It actually happened in June, but I didn't blog about it because it was very unexpected and there was a lot of ugly crying involved...)

 

4. Draw? (Do I still remember how to do this? Draw for fun and have no expectations I guess?) Didn't have time to draw, too busy working and crafting. Kinda want to give up on the drawing and finish writing my stories or start painting instead since I got some new gouache recently which I've never used before... but we'll see. Honestly I just want t use up my copic markers since they're still good and I don't want them to dry up completely!

5. Experiment more with resin. Make candies. I made a lot of fucking candies!

6. Buy some minky fabric and try to make plushies... Nope. Still don't know what to do with that black minky I have, although I did use it again to make that furry Katamari cousin for a custom order?

7. Make mini gumball/crane game machines. Nope, Although I'm going to try to make some shakers soon??

8. Go to New York or Montreal in the summer time! LOL fuck no. (Does the pandemic make you swear more? But I did get to go to a sunflower field and to Niagara Falls again, which was nice...)

9. Learn to drive on highways comfortably and confidently. Sigh, I should've totally taken advantage of the lessened traffic during the lockdown in March but alas, I didn't.

10. Learn to cook. (LOL. Not happening but I can't think of anything else,,,) Kinda? The pandemic sure made my mom into a pro baker though! I should've taken lessons from her... I still don't know how to "properly" cook a meal that involves meat so that's a fail... I'm really good at making sandwiches and Japanese potato salads though?! Baby steps, right?!

2021 To Do List:

1. Get married. Yes, the plan was to get married in 2021, no, it did not get pushed back due to the pandemic... yet. To be honest, trying to plan for this wedding makes me depressed when it's supposed to be a happy time. I've been to a few friend's weddings before the pandemic and they're all having babies now. Yet... all I did was get engaged. In my mind, I'm just trying to prepare myself for the fact that no one's gonna be there at my wedding and I can't ever expect that friends will gift you back and be there for you like you were for them. One of life's many hard to swallow pills...

2. Get another doll. I'm cheating with this one since I already purchased it in October but until it gets here, I shall leave this here. I might've put something like "get back into the bjd hobby" in a previous year's resolution but this time I'm a bit more serious!

3. Move out and build my dream closet. This item ties in with Number 1...

4. Go thrift shopping. This one's going to be a little hard since thrifting isn't really popular here and all the thrift stores are kinda far from where I live, and there's not that many... but we'll see!

5. Wear all my lolita dresses at least once. I've actually gotten more confident in wearing lolita in public now that facemasks are involved.

6. Get over 1,000 sales in my Etsy store. I know I just did a whole rant on why numbers shouldn't matter to me, but I wonder if I got lucky this year due to the pandemic and people shopping online at home more. My only hope is for my sales and following to grow but there's only so much one person with a full time job can do. I just wanna make stuff and keep sharing it with the world. The world needs more kawaii...

7. Save money. I used up some craft supplies I had for a while but I ended up buying more! I need to stop and use it all up and stop there... I've hoarded too much already. And I just want to save up more, in general. (For all those future vacations I won't be able to go on, haha...)

8. Exercise, and be more healthy. Not that I've been unhealthy, as I've almost stopped eating out entirely altogether, not even getting takeout... but I just feel very tired and out of stamina sometimes after crafting for hours and I just want to feel... more alive? I guess? And maybe lose some weight before the wedding too, ha... 

9. Learn to drive on highways comfortably and confidently. Challenge still stands!!

10. Learn to cook. Specifically meat. And put a whole dinner together from scratch. Challenge still stands!

One thing 2020 taught me was that anything can happen. I'd been crafting only for Anime North but now I can keep my shop stocked all the time. Or should I? Because even though I'm grateful for all the support, I'm not sure if all the hard work and money put in was worth it. In fact after sending out all the holiday packages, I started getting messages from customers asking for the whereabouts and I had no power to help them, plus I'm sure things were delayed because of the pandemic but people still don't get it. 

But another thing 2020 has shown me is that I'm so extremely lucky. Lucky that I still have a job and a roof over my head. And all the things I was able to accomplish this year, despite everything. I'm ever so thankful for all of it. And for now, I must try to stop thinking so negatively all the time and move forward with the people who matter in my life. 

So, onwards to 2021, and happy new year!