Putting an unrelated photo here... to remind me of happier times like going out for afternoon tea, which I can't even do right now cause my lolita dresses are slowly not fitting me and they usually serve some kind of cured/deli meat or smoked salmon thing as a savoury item along with champagne and I can't have either of those things!! I totally get how being pregnant really fucks with your self esteem and such.
But I didn't really have an issue with that since I do still have some dresses that fit me at 23 weeks (although with a petticoat it's a little difficult - I had no idea my baby bump would extend so far up my ribcage). Aside from not being able to eat all the foods I love (no spicy or fried stuff now because it makes my heartburn worse - I never had heartburn before pregnancy) and hormones doing wacky things to my skin, fine I can deal with all that! Cause I'm just hoping its all temporary, right? But above all, I'm pissed at myself at having caught COVID. I went to my OB appointment as usual and she made me feel so guilty and paranoid and really talked down to me as if I was a child for freaking out. Granted, yes I had a normal uneventful pregnancy so far, and maybe it's the hormones making me feel so teary all the time but I left the clinic in tears. I'm glad my husband was there, but I feel guilty that I wasted his time too since he had to meet me there from work. These OB appointments are such a waste of time to me and I have to take time off work only to be told "ok, everything's normal - any questions?" As if I wanted to make other pregnant people sick. As if I'm being selfish. Well you know what? I went to a party this weekend and whoever was there was probably sick, so who's the selfish one now? One person was coughing, I could smell the halls in their mouth and they brushed it off when I made a comment about it. Pretty sure I got sick from there but the thing was that I was hesitant about going in the first place since there was going to be a lot of people I didn't know going there as well. And no one wore masks... I even brought one but didn't put it on because the only person who showed up with a mask, took it off shortly after... so now I'm just mad at myself that I didn't trust my gut, and for putting myself, my unborn child and family at risk. And if it wasn't the party, what about the selfish people at work who're hacking up a lung popping cough drops and still not masking?
I know my baby is "normal" so far, but it's my first, and I can't help being anxious. Is that so wrong? Sorry I'm so paranoid and anxious? After three boosters and avoiding it for so long, it had to happen now while I'm pregnant. What luck. Covid ruined my wedding, pushed back our honeymoon plans and delayed our starting a family and now this... This is exhausting. Just how far is this going to go? I'm just praying I have a somewhat normal delivery... that's all I can hope for right now. I really wish I could have something more positive to blog about, like maybe a babymoon or something (which I did entertain the idea at first) but now with the flu and COVID going around, it makes me not even wanna step foot outside of the house at all. I don't remember the last time I had a fever (probably a side effect from the booster in 2022) but I am usually the type to never get sick. Now I'm having all the symptoms (minus the lack of taste/smell and coughing, so far) and it fucking sucks. Time to just hibernate until spring time when the baby arrives, I guess!
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